Still Not There..Where Is It?

ever felt like stuck in a moment of coalesced with fear of diving into the the blistering feeling uncertainties?
the land of recklessness order that beholds you?
ever felt like being on the verge of crashing down 'tersungkur' badly enough you can't even lift your face and your sense of confidence?
ever felt like gaining 1 million dollar cash yet you not feeling good/psyched bout' your gift?
where's the satisfaction that you're looking for?
Is it that you're not being thankful enough?
what is it make you felt so unfulfilled?
where's your life route?
is it on the right path?
are you diving at the right depth?
have you check your 'air supply level'?
haven't you felt you've drowned yourself too deep already?
where's your fallen gracefulness plan?
Am I ready enough for my 'leverage claustrophobia'?
have you fully acquainted yourself with all your choices or the path your makin'?
where's my golden star? my sparkling breakthrough? my glimpse of light to my lifechanging path?
The comfortless and unease feelings to say to myself that everything happens for a reason every single day.
never in my mind I've doubted that HE already have plans for me.
never in my life I've doubted YOU. For YOU I have my faith.


It's already end of the year.
Am I? Did I? Have I? achieve what I'm supposed to?
Am I a year wiser than yesterday?
honestly..

Happy newly year Guys!! Have A Great years ahead of ya..for what ever past, let it past and move forward.

Reminiscence your joyous years of life and journey without regrets.

Is It Now?

Am I getting old before my time? 

My life's coming towards me like a speeding bullet. 

Am I blind for what is in front of me? 

I can't get to run away from it. 

I'm freaking Out *AGAIN* 

I guess it's just way too early.

I can't commit without solid ground. 

It's normal to say my reasons right?

Maybe all I need is time.

If only I had better ground.

Maybe It's a test from HIM.

p/s for what ever you do.I'll support you no matter what.that's a promise

Colossal AssHat?? or Am I was On The Dream Of Becoming The Next American Idol??

with my recent happenings..I really need to giddy up and move forward..I can't say that the failure really hits me and make me really felt such a effin' LOSER but I know that I really need to move on..I need to build up back my confidence..I was demoralized..I was stunned, I felt all the things I've done such a waste..ahhh~ forget bout the past..think more of the future behold me..I really need to get back on track..That's the 1st thing that I really need to do rite now.
People do fails sometimes right? the best thing to do is that you've learned your mistakes and never to repeat it again. Nobody's perfect..I'm only a human..and I do make mistakes!! Moving to~

On the other side of Another story

On the evening of 19th August 2010, exactly on the 9th of Ramadhan, I've decided to berbuke with my Hunny at the CheeMeng Nasi Ayam Bukit Bintang. It was like any other day in KL, busy and packed,I've gambled my time and precious berbuke moments with my family for Chee Meng Chicken rice at BB.Bukit Bintang!! dengan jalan jam sume kot..takpe..kering bak kate my Hunny [Dua-dua kemarok nasik ayam Chee Meng]..and guess what..while I was having my yummy Nasi Ayam Chee Meng..Tiz Zaqyah *the artist tuh* passed me..I was shock and automaticaly my eyes was blinking-blinking towards her..while I was bermain-main mata with Tiz Zaqyah & at the end of the shop lies Natasha Hudson! staring at ME! I was stoked!! 2 artist in one time while bermate-mate with me..I can't take it..I was sooo overwhelmed..While my attention diverted back to miss Tizq..Natasha hudson who is on the other side was making a jealousy girlish face..aku serba salah..lalu aku terpandang my Hunny..aku tersenyum..tak kesah lah artist malaysia or Hollywood ke..hanya sorg je yang mampu buat aku cair..non the less my Hun..*winkwink*Gile Gempak!! cite aku!! cool bukan?!!* as my history with fellow Malaysian actress Sazzy Falak way already past me..such occurrence gives an Irony Thought - Am I an "MalaysianArtistChick Magnet"?? - Am I actually an artist trapped in a body of a living human which life which is such unfabulous and undeserve fame" *curiously thought..* tak leh blah cite aku*blluuwweerrgghhh - muntah darah*

sekian..selamat berbuke everyone!! Ini hanyalah cerita semata-mata tiada niat menyakiti atau menganiaya sesiapa..

The Year Of 1000 Celebrations Of Life!!

As we speak now..I've just wondering what I've accomplish for this year..even though it's still a lil bit too early to review about the year gone by..** "It's only august la dey".....but I really felt that I need to do this **..OK!! bersambung balik to what I'm trying to say about accomplishments so far for this year..my accomplishment as of august..in my own interpretation would be.. "not much, too many uncertainties, unstable"..i guess, but its sure is one hell of a good year!!! even though the 'green' part not so memberangsangkan....hey, I'm satisfied with what I've got/done/achieve this year as of august!! I felt sooo blessed, I'm content with everything that went through, Alhamdullilah!!! Thank You God..for Your blessings..!!!

When I'm thinking back for everything that happened this year alone, I thought that maybe I'm a lil bit ;

• Too old for Music Events Such as ......this.
• Too much to waste on time/money on roadtrip such as .....this *actually I'm glad for this event!-honestly*
• Too fat and too scared to go for a diving lesson.
• Too lazy to find a - "what ever your gonna do" buddies - (e.g -swimmingbuddies- by Faridpang/Jabbarwookies, -bowlingbuddies- by amarcrazyeyes, -tennisbuddies-, -squashbuddies-, -pantsbuddies-, -haircutbuddies-, -moviesbuddies-, -karaokebuddies- or etc.)
• Too old and "jaded" to start a band,
• Too poor to own a pony or a horse for an evening ride (another bright idea of Faridpang)
• Too busy catching dreams and repeating routines.
• Too tired and wasted to go on completing my 'list of accomplishments'
• Too broke for Masters Programs enrollment.
• Too deaf and too old for "Venom -Black Metal" albums
• Smoked too much cigarettes in a day.
• Still lacking of enthusiasm saving up money.
• Too afraid being solitary and abandoned.
• Too gay/metrosexsual for a cake bite - puas hati korg??.

And I should maybe thinking more like : 

when is it the right time to settle down, prepare myself for commitments, have kids, rent a home, reduce my mortgages/CCard debts, foresee what is in front of me and making sure that I'm ready for it, complying my oath as a muslim without fail and other obligation of life, "enjoying life when I'm at four-tees" and bla bla bla ..ahh~~ life as we speak, time lost as we breathe, youth wasted as we gone through our life, Faith is the only thing we have for this world and the afterlife. Godspeed to what ever behold for me in the future...let's go through this year with many more exciting and fun events in the coming future..owh I'm going to Hong Kong Next Year..Yieepppaaa!!!


P/s : Today marks as the 1st Ramadhan 1431Hijrah..happy Ramadhan Al- Mubarak To All Muslims all over the world - Have a Blessed Fasting Month.Amin~

Another Turning Point Of My Life.

I felt soooo blessed nowdays, I've got my loving Family, I've got my loving gF, I've got my friends, I've got my "colleagues families" who really being supportive to me, who always standby with me for what ever that I've done, who really loves and accept me the way I am nowdays. I felt really blessed!! Thank you God!! Alhamdulillah~~
I'm so grateful and appreciate for everything that I've had all these years with all the occurrence/events/happenings that I have gone through this few month. I really enjoyed it!! Thanks guys!!
Thank You Mom Dad Hani and all of my Friends for standing by me after all these years, really appreciate it~

Now I'm on another turning point of my life -- I'm crossing my fingers for what will gone through this coming months!! Wish me Luck guys!!

reminder to myself   -  you've got a double chin now!! WTF!!  **please do your exercise regularly**

--sekian--